Neediness

As I was rocking Frankie to sleep this morning and humming the tune “Jesus Loves the Little Children” my thoughts started to drift through the last year, the coming year, Frankie’s first birthday….and on and on. My mind stopped abruptly as I landed on the question “What happens when she doesn’t need me anymore?” and I had to hold back the tears that wanted to creep down my cheeks. As much as any young mother I have been plagued with adjusting to having another human being need me completely. It has become the norm…she needs me at 3pm and 3am. She needs me to change her, bathe, her, cuddle her…she needs me to watch her crawl up the stairs, shove paper in her mouth, and stick her fingers in places she shouldn’t.  It is paramount that I am near to clap at all her little triumphs,  kiss all her little bumps, and provide her with endless rounds of “This Little Piggy”. So over the last 10 months the definition of who I am has become entwined with 18 pounds of smooth-skinned, blond-haired chubbiness. Before I know it her life will be about bike-riding, sleepovers, and her “best” friend (gulp). But how will my life be about anything else but her? How can I ever be anything but wrapped up in this child of mine? She will move on but I will stay put….waiting for her to need me.

Advertisements

Move over Jillian…

I’ve always been somewhat of a gym rat but over the last several years I have tried to save time by completing some of my workouts at home.  I have never liked working out at home because I have always felt home workouts were much less intense than the workouts I could create while at the gym. Several years ago I stumbled upon Jillian Michaels DVD’s and felt I had finally found something that could get my heart pumping and muscles straining….all in the comfort of my own living room. Well move over Jillian….this week I bought the Bob Harper Pure Burn Super Strength workout DVD and I was pleasantly surprised with a workout that rivaled anything that could be completed in a fully equipped gym. A full body workout that will leave your muscles shaking, your heart pumping, and your exercise mat covered in a layer of slick sweat. The DVD can be purchased at Amazon for less than $10…worth every penny.

Becoming…

It is so strange how a few moments changes everything…a baby’s first breath, teeth chattering shock, and then a heart shatters into a million pieces. That was the birth of my daughter.  Still feels so strange typing out the words “my daughter” and yet never have I had so much joy in assuming possession of something so perfectly new, strangely soft, and smelling so sweet.

A Life Well Spent

It seems that as humans we are given an allotted amount of time, energy, money, relationships…it is up to us as to how we would like to spend it. The questions I have been asking myself revolve around such thoughts because ultimately I know I get to spend my life out only once.  And so I ask…will I make splurges on love or will I hold my heart on lock-down? Will my next purchase be made out of necessity, generosity, or compulsive consumerism? Will I invigorate my body with the natural sources of energy that nature offers or will I choose a manufactured chemical counterpart?  In the practices of day-to-day living I want to see my values reflected in how my life is expensed and in the end I want to be left used up, desperately dry, void of value knowing that everything I did mattered to someone or for something.

The Beginning

It seems that most monumental moments start off with the smallest of sparks, the tiniest of whispers that once fanned into a flame take on the size of largest proportions. The little seed that germinates into a towering sunflower, a screaching newborn, or a beautiful piece of art.  Our lives all start out so small yet priceless, significant, and full of possibility. Possibility….the stars and moon and all our dreams hang upon the very idea of it.